By DAVE WESTER | Elroy
God: Moses, can you travel?
Moses: Yes, God, how can I help?
God: Go back down to earth. People are so into texting that they aren’t reading my Word.
Moses: How’s that?
God: There are groups called Christian conservatives, evangelicals, and religious right that believe I gave you only one commandment on Mount Sinai, instead of 10.
Moses: I don’t understand.
God: In the United States, those groups elected a man president because they thought he would uphold the commandment that they believe prohibits abortion, my sixth commandment, “Thou shall not kill.” They ignored the fact that Trump repeatedly violated my first (I am the Lord thy God), fourth (Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy), seventh (Thou shall not commit adultery), eighth (thou shall not steal), ninth (Thou shall not bear false witness), and 10th (Thou shall not covet) commandments.
Trump worships himself, not me. If he had been keeping the Sabbath holy, he wouldn’t have flubbed “Two Corinthians” and he wouldn’t have been dumbfounded when asked about his favorite Bible verse. He committed adultery many times in thought and deed. He shacked up with another woman while he was still married. He keeps trading wives for younger models. He stole money from subcontractors by hiring them, not paying them, and then hiding behind bankruptcy laws. During his campaign, very few of the things he said were true. He coveted underage girls at his beauty pageants. He even coveted his own daughter. You would not believe the things he did to women.
Moses: Okay, God, what shall I do?
God: Return to earth and text the other nine Commandments to Christian conservatives, evangelicals and the religious right. Tell them that I put “Thou shall not kill” sixth on the list because I didn’t want people think it was more important than all the others, combined. Be particularly forceful with fundamentalist preachers. They are the ones who taughtpeople that if they obeyed the sixth they could ignore the others.
Moses: Okay, God, anything else?
God: Yes, one more thing. There is a governor in Wisconsin, Scott Walker, who told people that I asked him to run for president. Nearly all politicians lie, and I would never endorse any of them. Walker has been particularly sinful regarding deceit, even as politicians go. Tell him that if he doesn’t repent — and soon — he will have to answer to me at the Pearly Gates. Make sure he understands that if he keeps this up I am casting him straight down to my fiery competitor before he can open his mouth and lie to me, too. Walker may be planning to run for a third term as governor, but he may go to hell.
Moses: Okay, God, I’m on it. By the way, please convey my birthday wishes to your son.
