Bout with flu leads to immersion in 2016 election

By KAREN PARKER | County Line Editor

Allow me, your elderly and very wise newspaper editor, to offer some advice. As winter fades into spring and March roars in, do not say to yourself, “Oh, heck, I got this far without a flu shot. Why bother now?”

My punishment for such foolishness was more than a weeklong sentence of lying flat on my back and watching CNN. Reading was too hard, and it’s pledge week on PBS, so here I am listening to the debates, the town hall meetings, and the endless lines of pundits making predictions and rehashing every tiny aspect of the 2016 election cycle, all interspersed with commercials for dysfunctional bladders and underperforming male whatever.

There is no doubt in my mind that for decades to come, historians and political scientists will try to unravel and explain why the American public decided to rest its political future on acarnival clown who might have the greatest no-stick frying pan ever but whose trigger finger you really, really do not want on the nuclear arsenal.

Of course, we saw all of this before, in 2008, when Sarah Palin was Donald Trump 1.0 without a comb over. After the election faded from view, I must have watched the movie “Game Change” a half-dozen times. Somewhere in that movie, I was certain, it would be explained to me how a woman with absolutely no knowledge of politics, foreign affairs or even basic geography could have reached the highest level of American politics.

On the surface, it appeared the McCain team went into a panic and scrambled to find a woman vice-presidential candidate who would hook the female vote but appeal to men, too. That didn’t make a lot of sense, though. There is a whole field of Republican women who have done yeoman service over the years to the party and are bright and knowledgeable.

When the McCain team came to terms with the fact it had chosen a blank slate who was a continual embarrassment, they launched into a remake. It was sort of like a “Rocky” movie or perhaps Eliza Doolittle from “My Fair Lady.” They were successful enough at getting Palin to memorize talking points that the vice-presidential debate with Joe Biden went off acceptably.

After that, they discovered they were wasting their time. The American public loved Sarah Palin, every pig’s lipstick inch of her, just the way she was. They actually preferred style over substance. Of course, we knew she wasn’t too bright. It didn’t take Tina Fey’s devastating imitations of her to figure that out. But she was funny, she challenged the status quo, and she looked great in a tight dress.

We want political leaders who give us easy answers even if they have no clue how they will deliver on those answers. Not enough good paying jobs? Snap your fingers and launch a tariff war. Or build a wall and make Mexico pay for it. What it they won’t pay? I guess we a can point our nuclear warheads at Mexico City. That sounds like a great world for our children and grandchildren.

American foreign policy and domestic policy are very hard subjects requiring the best efforts to untangle. Even through my flu-filled haze last week, it was not hard to listen to the Republican debate and determine that The Donald finds the subjects boring and has no intention of studying them. He will, however, “make a great deal.” In fact, there will be so many great deals under his presidency that we will all tire of how wonderful everything is. Oh, good.

And then, when that is taken care of, I really could use one of those no-stick frying pans. I want the one that comes with a matching knife that I can use to slice a brick and a tomato all with the same stroke.

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